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This year represents a ten-year milestone since the phrase “ghosting” hit the public consciousness. Back then, the notion that someone could abruptly cease contact with a lover without any notice seemed like the height of disrespect. We were so innocent. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more bewildering – an frequently pointless exercise in embarrassment that is increasingly shaped by social media slang.

Gen Z, a demographic who came of age during a loneliness crisis, a masculinity reckoning, and a coordinated attack on the freedoms of females and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a significantly more chaotic terrain than their millennial predecessors could ever envision. And so their dating lexicon has grown more elaborate and more unhinged, with expressions like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” straining the limits of your sanity.

The following list is a comprehensive guide to the words gen Z is using to discuss romance, sex and the search of both. To echo one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it doesn’t have “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Genuineness – For gen Z, dating’s ultimate goal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. Good luck with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend connected to a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something trivial – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or dismissive. If they aren't interested to hear more about the bird, you two are doomed.

Black cat girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and avoiding commitment, the mysterious partner prioritizes herself while radiating mystery and independence. (She might still have that fringe.)

C

Chair theory – This means choosing someone who supports you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would fetch a seat for you to take a load off.

Task-based bonding – A outing where two people bond while running errands, such as walking the dog or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Melting down when you feel overwhelmed by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, dumping all of your (unrequited) feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a signifier of 80s yuppie excess, it refers to partners who opt out of having children to focus on their own fulfillment. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Open communication – The antithesis of playing it cool: practicing communication, honesty and openness.

F

Flags

• Warning signs – Personal traits suggesting a prospective partner is not right. Examples include calling their exes unstable, subpar gratuity habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These quirks affirm your choice to date a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, having a proper bed …
• Beige flags – These usually describe specific, mostly harmless quirks. Such as being an keen birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their wallet, paying rent in physical money …

Shared obsession pairing – When you connect with someone who’s just as obsessive about documentaries about the second world war or physical media hoarding or art or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same stuff or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A musical group many young men likes.

Zombie-ing – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Golden retriever boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online subculture of men so fixated with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, intentionally delaying orgasm so they can go on as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A phenomenon describing many women’s increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

High-value woman – An stereotype promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and contentedly domestic, who apparently has no goals of her own aside from satisfying her male partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly shut down any feelings of interest.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to remember after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic act.

The Letter J

Jobs – These have not been this important in the dating scene since the greed-is-good era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the anti-capitalist crowd prefer partners in fields they see as being staffed by the more nurturing among us: nurses, educators or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, researchers learned that kissing has been around for 16m years. But the days of locking lips may be limited since some gen Z want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic intimacy realistic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your career sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {