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I have been close companions for over two decades, a person who's overcome numerous challenges, her resilience is commendable. Yet, she's constantly taken by surprise by people. Her husband left her, and it was a huge shock. Several of her friends drifted away during that time, as they were only interested in her husband. This surprised her deeply. She made increased attention toward our bond, and must have grasped better the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Throughout this period, quite a few in her circle have disappeared without her being certain of the reason. Her previous job turned on her, even though she had been very skilled at her work, and she left unaware of what had changed.

Present Situation

Recently, both of us left the workforce and are seeing each other more, however, I feel my position in the relationship is to listen. I open discussion points only for her to redirect conversation onto what interests her. Politically, she holds strong opinions. I attempt to suggest double-checking information and alternate views.

She has been planning a vacation to a country I know well many times and lived in previously. My intention was to offer personal experiences, however, my input not welcomed. She really just desired me to confirm her decisions. I've just ended four weeks there she is eager to reconnect, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I don't want in this role that walks away without a word, yet I doubt she can understand the consequences of her behaviour on my confidence. Right now, I find myself in distancing myself. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

One option is to walk away, but it is not often the easy answer we imagine. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out demands strength and readiness from both people.

Therapists recommend applying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"The first step involves describing what typically happens when you talk. This needs to be based on facts like exactly what occurs. The second is to tell how this leaves you feeling. This allows for no argument here. Your feelings belong to you, of course. Step three is to question how you are both will alter the interaction in your relationship."

Remember that she also has a point of view, thus requiring you to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works is telling her:

"Please share your thoughts while I will not say anything for a set time."

This can be successful to encourage understanding.

Final Thoughts

Your friend could ignore all you say, for those who have a self-protecting mindset: they have a narrative about themselves they won't release since their identity depends upon it and it's all familiar to them. It's tough as there is no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might initially present defensively and then think on your words. And should a resolution isn't found a fix, it provides satisfaction from having been honest with her.